How Hanging Onto a Relationship That Is Over Hurts You!

Relationships sometimes end, even when we don't want them to. The resulting pain and despair that accompanies the breakup can be very disruptive in your life, and even damaging to your health. Unfortunately, we don't think about how it affects us at the time. If we did, we would be much more realistic, let it go and move on.

Why do we continue to try to hang on even when the relationship is obviously over? Because we don't want to admit we failed. As long as we feel there is even a slither of a chance, it means there's still a hope at reconciliation. Even when we suspect, or even know deep down inside, the relationship is over, this isn't really an option, we cling to it because it makes us feel better.

But hanging on isn't really harmful is it? After all, all we are doing is deceiving ourselves, right? Wrong!

If you hold on, you just don't give yourself a chance to heal. Broken relationships are painful, even if they appear to be easy to get over. It is still a sense of failure and failure can either manifest itself at the time, or it can lie dormant and build in intensity. It distorts our perception of the next relationship. "Will this one fail like the last one?" This sense of failure ends up causing us to ask questions like: "Where did things do wrong?" "What did I do wrong?" "Could I have prevented this?" and on and on.

Second-guessing yourself means you will probably do so in the next relationship as well. Placing blame on yourself means you will automatically nominate yourself as the bad guy. This inhibits your emotions and creates a lessened sense of self-worth. And when your self-esteem is affected, your new partner will not be seeing the real you.

Giving a new partner someone less than the real you... is not fair to them. They deserve to see the real you; the full package. They aren't looking for a partial relationship, so don't give them a partial partner.

Hanging on can also affect your health. It could mean a loss of appetite, additional stress, and worry that a failed relationship might be repeated, and even a loss of sleep. Your ex has no doubt moved on: it's time for you to do the same.

Letting go is so liberating and allows you to learn from the experience, and anything that gives you knowledge about yourself, can't be considered all bad!

Learn about yourself... what makes you feel this way? Are destructive emotions at the heart of what you are experiencing? If so, maybe you need to get control of what you are really telling yourself. What are your beliefs?