The Pros and Cons of Moving in With Your Partner

For every fifty people you ask, "should we live together?" there will be fifty different reasons why you should or shouldn't move in together. Everyone has an opinion, just ask them, they'll give you theirs.

But at the end of the day, the only two people who can answer that question is you and your partner. Let's say you have known each other for a few years, your really great friends, spend most of your spare time together (and many nights), your things are scattered all over his place/his all over your's, you've weathered some pretty hefty arguments, and you've spent hours talking things over.

You both feel ready to move to a new place in your relationship - so why not just get married???

The reason most people do not make that commitment right off the get-go is because one or the other isn't that sure they want that much commitment yet; so if not now when? A darn good question - often without honest answers.

Pros for moving in together

You are great friends. You know each other's needs and idiosyncrasies and it would be exciting to come home to each other every day.

You both pay for the same bills - rent, utilities, cable, food for two places, and miscellaneous costs that go along with having a place of your own.

You could combine your incomes and have more for joint- vacations, you could go out more often and perhaps even save some money for a change.

You have been sharing your living spaces pretty much on a weekly basis and you just know it makes sense to have one place for the two of you.

You feel you're compatible but living together would really cement the relationship in preparation for the more committed relationship of marriage.

Cons of moving in together

You have been friends for a long time. You know each other's needs and wants, but some of them are causing a few little problems; you will deal with them when you're living together.

You both have the same bills, but his rent is higher than yours and you would want him to move in with you because your place is cheaper, and closer to your work.

You could combine incomes, and every time you want to buy a new pair of shoes you will have to tell him that they'll cost about $150 and when he says, "sure babe, remember that golf club that I wanted last year, it's going to be about $150, too." Who will handle the money, pay the bills, and do the grocery shopping, cooking, clean-up, and joint laundry?

You have been sharing your living spaces for quite awhile now, and you're wondering how your stuff will fit into his apartment, and where will you put all of his things if he moves into yours. What about all that extra furniture, now you will have two of most things - will you give up yours or will he give up his?

You have both discussed getting married, but for some reason, you are both not quite ready to "forsake all others" just yet. Let's just say that you move in together and in about two years, you still don't have a ring or a date for marriage; or his mood isn't as light as it used to be because you keep asking when you can make plans for a wedding, and besides your place really is too small and it's time to look for a bigger place.

You feel that you have been together long enough now, maybe you're considering a baby, that will budge him, he won't be able to leave if he's going to be a dad.

On the other hand maybe your relationship could withstand the rigors of living together with no more than a hand-shake because neither of you want to get married or be parents any time soon - in the next ten years or so.

If you aren't both traveling the same road where your future is concerned and there haven't been long, serious discussions about what you both expect of each other, living together is the most dangerous thing you could possibly do - emotionally and psychologically. You might want to reconsider.

"The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only far more expensive." ~ John Sladek