Do You Really Want a Special Someone in Your Life?

I sometimes get contacted by people who want advice on meeting that special someone, the person with whom they feel their life would be complete. They may be successful in many areas of life, have a great career, good family and friends, feel that they're positive and attractive, yet somehow a successful relationship with that special someone has eluded them.

There are people who struggle with intimate relationships. They find the concept of being with someone, living with someone everyday and having to consider that person incredibly hard. They may be successful in their other relationships, be a great friend, a loyal and dedicated son or daughter, an excellent colleague, but when they look to partner-up they have expectations and attitudes that would be difficult to accommodate in an intimate personal relationship. Learning to compromise, negotiate, tolerate another person and their habits, behaviours and flaws can be a tough ask, no matter how much we may love them.

Hypnotherapy and counselling can be a fast and effective way of helping people understand their deeper issues, come to terms with past experiences and feel better, more positive about themselves and the possibility of a special relationship. But even so, is being with someone the answer to everything, is it all it's cracked up to be?

So, here's my reply, some of my thoughts on the topic of having a special partner; do you really want a special someone in your life?

I understand what you're saying about wanting to meet that special someone. It's delightful to think of a man who wants to share your life, look after you, spend long Summer evenings and cold Winter nights cosying up together. The companionable silences, the familiar arms to hold you, console you, make you feel wanted, attractive, secure and special can be a very reassuring part of life, all the more when contrasted with the thought of living life alone. But you know what, alone doesn't have to mean lonely.

Like many single women, I too wonder where all the lovely, single men go to socialise and potentially meet someone new. I understand your issues about online dating sites and how they're not always a viable option for everyone.

I've heard it suggested that the more male-focused activities like boxing matches, horse racing, track days, golf events are often a good place to start meeting men. Some people like to try night school classes, discussion groups or the gym, where there's an opportunity to meet and get to know someone slowly, over a period of weeks, gradually building up a relationship over time.

Personally I can't be bothered, and I'm single too.

My partnered friends envy me; my freedom, my independence, the fact that I'm my own boss, that my time is my own.

And when I hear them complain from time to time about their men, have to do things they don't really want to do, attend functions, occasionally comfort them when they turn up upset after a row, hear them threaten to leave, get divorced, it serves to remind me that there are pluses and minuses to every situation!

A single person can read in bed, eat toast, sleep in late, not bother cooking, wearing makeup or taking a shower if they're so inclined! They can accept an invitation on impulse, go anywhere at the drop of a hat, stay out all night if they want to, are not answerable to anyone at home. Their home isn't full of someone else's possessions, no matter how endearing they may be. They can decorate exactly as they like, express their own style and taste. Sure, it can be good to have someone help with decisions, help financially, do the garden, put the bins out once a week, but it can be a helluva price to pay for those privileges.

As a single person it's important to focus on making potentially lonely times that bit extra-special. Include people in your life and invite friends round for dinner or to stay over night. Investigate walking clubs, holidays for singles that are to your taste. Keep important social contact with others to avoid becoming too insular and self-absorbed. Plan ahead so that you have treats lined up for long Bank Holiday weekends and the Christmas holidays; fresh flowers, clean sheets, your favourite food, a good film or two. Indulge yourself and reflect on those pluses and minuses.

And often when we stop looking a special person turns up in our lives, unexpectedly! Hope that helps, even if it's not quite the answer you were expecting.