Love, this four-letter word with many components is simple yet complex. On some aspects, you can experience feelings of blissfulness and joy but on others, it can leave you jaded. I remember conversations about love and how this culprit could make me lose myself. People would advise against such an experience stating it will make you do foolish things.
How is it that this "thing" called love gets you compared to being a fool? That is not alluring by any means. Needless to say, I was not entertained by love due to the negative connotation it sometimes possesses. These misguided words of wisdom made me afraid to experience it. Consequently, when I did toy with love I made every attempt to keep my feelings at bay. I would tell myself he needs to love me more than I love him. This would prevent me from experiencing detriment in the event the relationship did not last.
Then, one day it happened. I went too far, let my guard down too much, and just like that I was experiencing love and enjoying it. I discovered that being vulnerable and naked without boundaries was not that bad, until the BIG BREAK-UP. That indescribable love ended abruptly leaving me heartbroken. I felt like I had experienced heartbreak syndrome. I thought "LOVE SUCKS!" How quickly I reverted back to the lessons learned from my youth. I was angry and briefly, the break-up caused me to somehow feel bad even about myself. I always thought I was pretty solid when it came to my self-esteem & self-worth but unbeknownst to me, I was slipping into low self-esteem & the lack of self-love.
After that brief horrible phase in life and some self-reflection, I pulled it back together. I found a deep appreciation for myself. Self-love is the first love!
"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection"- Buddha
I truly came to a great place in life where I love me some me. I am grateful for my appearance, my quirks, my style, and my imperfections. I learned to take out time for myself and I pamper myself to the fullest. So yeah, I'm pretty awesome!
Once I reconnected to that need in life only then was I ready and up for tackling love once again.
Self-love is not selfish. You cannot truly love another until you know how to love yourself- Author unknown
I thought about the past situation and had an epiphany that love does not suck at all. Love, in fact, was not the villain. Ernest Hemingway said it best
"Better to lost and loved than never to have loved at all."
I made a choice to remember the perks of love vs the aftermath of a broken promises. The emotions and feelings that I felt or that I feel when I'm in love are incredible. I choose to focus on the glass being half full and I am careful not lose sight of that optimism. There is hope for a person scorned by love because there was hope for me. Since that failed love I have loved again and again and again. You get the point.
With every opportunity to love, I have learned how to love even better. I am truly a self-taught hopeless romantic and a lover of love. I acknowledge my feelings and emotions. Some would argue that love is not a feeling but I beg to differ. I feel the love in my heart just as I felt that heartbreak. I created a new-found gratitude for this so-called bad thing. When you are given the opportunity to love and when love is reciprocated it can be a wonderful adventure.
If you are jaded by love, you should revisit this amazing feeling/emotion. You get what you put out so I challenge you to be attentive to what you are displaying. If you feel love always fails, guess it will always fail. If you believe love is an illusion, then the love you experience will likely be just that. I encourage you to give it another shot because we have all had epic fails when it comes to love but it is your choice on how you wish to remember it.
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