How Long Should I Wait Before Calling My Ex?

Getting back with someone who broke up with you really is an art form. It requires skill and luck, patience, perseverance and knowledge.

Most of all, it requires near perfect timing.

Knowing when you should get back in touch with an ex boyfriend is a tricky thing. You want to leave him alone for a while, so he can miss you, but you also want to keep yourself in the back of his mind.

Wait too long to get back in touch after the breakup, and you could lose him for good. But try calling or contacting too soon? Well, that's sure to drive him hard in the opposite direction.

So when can you call your ex? How long should you wait before texting or getting back in touch with him? Is there a hard, fast rule?

Even better, are there ways of getting HIM to call YOU?

Why No Contact is Important After a Breakup

Right now you're probably going through some of the worst heartache of your life. You're not hungry. You're not interested in anything. All you can think about is your ex boyfriend, and how lonely it is without him.

That's because you MISS him.

In order for your ex to want you again, he's first going to need to miss you. And in order to miss you, guess what?

You're going to have to go away.

It only makes sense: if you're still hanging around, if you're still making yourself visually and emotionally available, if you're still trying to call or contact or text your ex boyfriend, chances are good he doesn't miss you at all. That's because he still has you. In one form or another.

Now let's pretend you haven't called your ex at all. You didn't run to Facebook to change your status, like a jilted ex-lover. You haven't been stalking his Facebook page, or liking his posts, or checking his Instagram or any of the things you used to do when the two of you were together.

Your boyfriend, of course, knows this. That's because after the breakup, he's looking back at you. Knowing you still want him is comforting for him. But not seeing you at all? it's discomforting, disquieting, and over time, it can even make him question the decision to break things off.

This is what you want. By creating doubt in your ex boyfriend's mind, you create value. Suddenly you're a commodity he probably should've kept. In time, he realizes he should've never let you go.

Rekindling Old Feelings After the No Contact Phase

If you think back to the origins of your relationship, you'll remember a time when everything was golden. You and your boyfriend never fought. You couldn't stand to be apart from each other. The two of you texted and called all the time, he did sweet things for you, and every time you fell into bed you had mindblowing sex.

This stage of the romance is where the two of you forged deep-seeded connections and emotional bonds. Those types of feelings blossomed as you continued seeing each other. They grew roots. They formed the very foundation of the relationship.

Now, when your boyfriend broke up with you? It's not because these connections suddenly evaporated. They didn't disappear overnight; in fact, they didn't disappear at all. Your boyfriend BURIED THEM in light of his decision to break things off.

Burying these feelings doesn't outright kill them. In time, yes, but not in the days or weeks that follow your breakup. Your ex is intentionally NOT calling you and NOT seeing you because any type of contact would only stir those feelings back up.

But wait... isn't this a good thing?

No, not if you want him back.

Throwing those emotional connections in your boyfriend's face will only make him angry right now. Right now, in his book, any efforts like that on your part are purely self-serving. You're throwing those things at him to MAKE him love you. Not only will that not work, but in all honesty, you don't want to "make" your boyfriend do anything.

You want him to come to those conclusions on his own.

Any new relationship you have with your ex boyfriend needs to be built on what he thinks to be his terms. With some knowledge on how to do this, and a little bit of practice, you can actually manipulate him into thinking this way.

There are fast-forward techniques you can use to accelerate the making up process, but only if you implement them subtly. They must be used carefully, and they must be executed at exactly the right time.